ooook! i got what everybody's been waiting for!!!! and sorry it took so long to post... i don't have a computer at my house and i wasn't aloud to drive for a while...
after being put on medication to prevent having a seisure,(from the pre-eclampcia)they said that that night i very well could have had a seisure and killed Grace, myself, or both of us... not cool..., blood pressure medication... it got up to 174 over 109... not good..., medication for cuz my blood platlet count in my liver was out of wack, another antibiotic for only God knows what, being stuck like a pin cusion to have blood drawn every three hours, them trying to break my water, but there wasn't enough fluid and they tried to add some, but that didn't work and it hurt a hundred times worse than the contractions which i had no pain medication for...then after all that TWO DAYS of labor, only diolating to 7 centimeters, them trying to enduce me 3 times, and finally a c-section... I've got a beautiful baby Grace!!!
wasn't as painful as i'd imagined it would be... perhaps it's just mind over matter... when they told me i was having a c-section i lost my focus and got really emotional... i couldn't control it... i told them that unless they wanted me to have a seisure from the emotions they had best put me under... so they did... my mouth was so dry when i woke up... from the tube they put down my throat... i wasn't aloud to get out of bed for two days... just about drove me crazy...
they put my on morphene for pain... how ever you spell it... they gave me the smallest dose they give people... and i was gone... i couldn't hardly see straight... i couldn't feed myself... i couldn't respond to anybody... it was bad... after those two days the nurse came in and asked me how many times i pushed the button... i said "there's a button?"... apparently they give you a little button thingy to push to give yourself another dose when you feel more pain...she looked at Derek and asked him if i'd pushed the button... he said nope... they said "well, at least we know you're not a drug addict"... thankfullly they then took me off of it and just gave me some IBprofin...i don't know why any one would want to feel that way... heroin, morphene, whatever... why would anyone do it? what a horrible feeling... have a labotomy, you'll get the same effect... damn druggies...
anyways... that's my lovely turn of events in childbirth... and wooo!!! i'm excited!!! i've only got to lose 6 pounds to get back to normal!!! 16 to lose to be the same weight as when i got pregnant... but right now i'm just shooting for the 6... that'll be the same as when i left for boot camp last year... 16 will be what i was when i got back... i'll get there by this fall... but i can't do sit-ups or push-ups or go running yet... the c-section... yea, gotta let everything fuse back together...i couldn't even count all the stitches on the outside... but don't take that the wrong way... it doesn't look bad... where they cut, when it's fully healed you won't even be able to tell...
my Gracie... she was 6lb 5oz, 20 inches long, and a full head of hair... same colour as mine... although her eyes are turning blue... she's got my lips and nose... but she's definately got brandon's eyes and facial structure... i won't ever say that to Derek though... it'd crush him to think about... he loves us both so much... he's taking such good care of us... he really is an amazing person... and little Grace is the apple in his eye... and he's so good with her... brandon on the other hand hasn't even attempted to get in contact with me to see her at all... he only came to the hospital for 15 minutes... he wouldn't even pick her up for me to feed her... and i wasn't supposed to be out of bed... but i got her... he looked at her... kissed her forehead... said she was beautiful... and left...that's what he drove to danville for... for the only time he'll prolly ever try to see her... that's just fine... he didn't even tell anyone that i'd had her or that he'd seen her... when i went to show her to some people... they said they had just seen him the day before and he didn't say one word about her even being born...
anyways...Grace, born at 8:15pm on July 21st is a beautiful happy baby... and as much as Derek looks at her like his own... she looks at him the very same way... after all, he was the one who was there through it all... she knows who loves her...
and erin my dear... i'm disconnecting the internet and calling you right now...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
tag:
i'll be missing you every day of my life... haunting my precious memories...
even if the love is cold... it'll always be...
| 
